Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
