Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
