what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
