i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
