this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
