My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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