I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He better not be in your backpack
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
