I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
