Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
