I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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