ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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