i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
sarcasm needs its own font
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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