Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
