your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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