smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
