I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
