Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
