I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
