you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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