Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I just cut my nipple shaving
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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