There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
