the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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