Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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