I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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