Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
