swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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