I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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