so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
me + whiskey = a bad person
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
