I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
