I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
