when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
