thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
