Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You are the jesus of drinking
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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