There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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