smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
