hotel room ftw
You're so nebulous sometimes
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
