dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I cut my penus on the lid.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
