My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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