were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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