Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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