I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
