her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I need to sanitize my soul.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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