I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
