no, he came in my armpit
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i just google imaged poop.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Randomize
