dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
