That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
