all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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