you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
