So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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