You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
