Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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