you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
